“It Was a Package Deal”
Some men really think that if they can’t have the woman, then they don’t want to be bothered with their own kids. I’ll never forget that moment standing before the judge with the father of my oldest son. We were there to establish child support — something I had avoided for a long time because I didn’t want the drama. But after doing everything I could on my own, I finally realized I needed help.
Shortly before our court date, he told me to tell public aid that I didn’t know who the father was. I remember looking at him like he had lost his mind. I had too much pride and integrity to lie. I had never been with anyone but him, and I wasn’t about to pretend otherwise. He was mad that I had taken him to court. But what he said next broke something inside of me and woke up something deeper at the same time.
He leaned over, right there in front of the judge, and whispered, “It’s a package deal.”
Then, without hesitation, he waved all his visitation rights to our son.
And that was the day he walked away — from me and from his own child — for seventeen long years.
That moment shaped me in ways I didn’t understand back then. It taught me that some men only want access to you, not accountability for what comes with you. They want your body, your energy, your nurturing spirit — but not your responsibility or your anointing.
Recently, I watched a podcast where a man claimed his children were “artificially inseminated,” trying to escape paying child support. I shook my head, realizing how generational that spirit of avoidance really is — that spirit of walking away when the real work begins.
But then, I thought of Boaz.
In the story of Ruth, we see what true redemption looks like. Ruth had a past — just like all of us. She was a Moabitess, someone who didn’t “belong” according to others’ standards. Yet, Boaz didn’t see her through the lens of her history. He saw her heart. He saw her honor. He saw her faithfulness in the small, unseen places.
The man who was next in line to marry Ruth refused. Why? Because he said, “I cannot redeem it for myself, lest I mar my own inheritance.” Translation: he didn’t want to risk his reputation or what he already had going on. He wanted the land — but not Ruth.
It was a package deal.
Boaz, on the other hand, understood that when God brings you someone, it’s not just about what they come with — it’s about what they carry. Boaz didn’t just want Ruth’s body; he wanted her purpose. He made provisions for her before she was his. He covered her in integrity. He saw her value long before he called her his wife.
And that’s what a man of God does. He doesn’t just claim you; he honors what God is doing through you.
Some men want you for your beauty, your business, your brilliance, or your bank account. But the one that God has for you will love you holistically — your anointing, your calling, your child, your story, and your scars.
The right one will recognize that you are the blessing, not the burden.
So, to every woman reading this who’s ever been told she’s “too much” or “has too much baggage,” know this: you are the pearl of great price, not the problem. God will hide your worth from the wrong one so He can reveal it to the right one. Wait for your Boaz.
When your core values align, your love will align. Don’t settle for the counterfeit.
It’s a package deal — and you, beloved, are worth the whole thing.