Dying to Live Again: The True Call of Love and Marriage
I’ve come to understand that to truly become one in marriage, we must first learn to die to ourselves. The Word reminds us that though our outward man is perishing every day, inwardly we are being renewed day by day. God always builds from the inside out. Before He brings increase, He brings transformation—and transformation often begins with surrender.
So many people are getting it wrong when it comes to love and dating. God is love. He placed the desire for love within the heart of man, but too often we chase after what was meant to be received through Him. We pour ourselves out trying to make something work, and when it all falls apart, we come to God broken—like children holding the pieces of a shattered toy, hoping our Father can fix what’s been destroyed. But what if we went to Him first? What if, instead of chasing love, we allowed Love Himself to prepare us for it?
As someone who has never dated in the traditional sense, I’ve learned that love isn’t about grand gestures or picture-perfect moments. I have never been wined, dined, or swept off my feet with flowers and candlelight dinners. I don’t have romantic anniversary pictures or memories of extravagant vacations. Even in my first marriage, we didn’t celebrate our first anniversary. I never had Valentine’s Day surprises or those sweet teenage nights whispering, “You hang up first.”
Yet despite all that, I’ve carried within me a vision of love that lasts forever—a love that endures all things, believes all things, and conquers all things. A love rooted not in the world’s idea of romance but in God’s unshakable truth.
Ever since I accepted Christ, I’ve been dying to live again. Jesus said, “Whoever finds their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for My sake will find it.” Those words have become the melody of my soul. I’ve poured myself out as an offering, believing that God will fill me with the life He always intended.
There’s a song by William McDowell called “Empty Me.” It speaks of the desire to be emptied so God can pour in something greater. That’s exactly what this journey has been for me. I’ve had to let go of my own ideas, my own timing, my own dreams of what love should look like. And in exchange, God has been pouring in His kind of love—pure, refining, and lasting. When we do whatever Jesus commands, He fills our lives with new wine—the kind that makes every sacrifice worth it.
Many couples enter relationships intoxicated by romance and feelings, but real love is built on sacrifice. The foundation of any lasting relationship is laid when two people are willing to die to themselves. It’s in the late-night conversations about faith, purpose, and destiny. It’s in the courage to face hard truths, to forgive quickly, and to love deeply.
Love and marriage are not about self-preservation—they’re about self-surrender. To walk in unity, you must let go of the need to always be right, to control, or to win. You must learn to yield to one another, to God, and to the purpose He has for your union. Without dying to self, there can be no true unity.
The breaking, the stretching, and the surrender are not wasted. They are the very tools God uses to prepare us for something greater. When two hearts willingly die to themselves for the sake of love, they are resurrected into a union that reflects heaven on earth.
In Christ, in love, and in marriage—death always precedes life. To truly live again, we must first die.