Get Ready to Be Given to the Multitudes

How many of us have gifts, talents, and ideas that visit us every single day—yet we never pursue them because we underestimate our own value and significance? We talk ourselves out of what God is trying to awaken in us. We convince ourselves that it’s not enough, that we’re not enough. But what if the thing you’ve been minimizing is the very thing God wants to multiply? What’s in your hands?

I’m reminded of a story in the Bible when Jesus had been preaching to the crowds and they became hungry. Not hungry for the Word this time, but for food. In John 6:8–9 it says, “Another of his disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother, spoke up, ‘Here is a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish, but how far will they go among so many?’”

Listen to that. “How far will they go among so many?” That question exposes how we often see what we have—small, insignificant, not enough. The disciple couldn’t see how something so little could make a difference. And if we’re honest, many of us feel the same way about our gifts. We look at our limited resources, our lack of support, our past failures—and we tell ourselves, “What I have can’t possibly make an impact.”

But here’s what I love about Jesus: He didn’t need a full bakery or a fisherman’s market. He just needed someone willing to offer up what they had. The boy gave what was in his hands—small loaves, small fish—but in the hands of Jesus, it became more than enough.

God is saying to someone today: “Offer it up.”

Offer up what you’ve been holding back. Offer up your voice, your creativity, your calling, your heart. Because when you give it to Him, He blesses it, breaks it, and multiplies it. And what once seemed insignificant becomes supernatural.

God is not asking you to have it all figured out. He’s not waiting for you to feel ready. He’s simply asking you to give Him what you have. You might feel like that little boy—standing in front of a crowd, with what looks like not enough—but when Jesus touches it, He turns little into overflow.

Don’t let your own opinion of yourself limit what God wants to do through your life. You’ve been through the breaking, the process, the waiting—but that was all preparation. Because when God is finished with His process in you, He’s going to give you to the multitudes.

Somebody out there is hungry—not for natural food, but for what God has placed inside of you. There’s a world waiting to be fed by what you carry. Your story, your wisdom, your anointing—it’s all nourishment for someone else’s breakthrough.

So today, stop disqualifying yourself. Stop saying, “It’s not enough.” If it’s in your hands, it’s already enough for God to use. You may not see how far it will go, but that’s because it was never meant to stay in your hands.

When you give it to Jesus, He multiplies it.

When you surrender it, He blesses it.

And when He’s finished, He gives you—whole, prepared, and purposed—to feed the multitudes.

Get ready to be given.

You Matter

“You matter.”

Those two simple words echoed in my spirit as I listened to Iyanla Vanzant share her spotlight moment on Oprah’s SuperSoul.TV. Her voice carried more than wisdom that day — it carried a generational cry. You could feel it. Her story wasn’t just told through her words; it was revealed through her scars. Scars that weren’t even originally hers, but her grandmother’s.

Iyanla shared how her grandmother grew up on farmland with invisible lines drawn in the dirt — lines she was never supposed to cross. Yet at nine years old, her grandmother crossed those lines and was raped by the sharecropper’s son. The most painful part wasn’t just the assault; it was her father’s reaction. Instead of protecting her, he beat her — worried more about losing his job than his daughter’s innocence.

That moment communicated a message that was louder than words: You don’t matter.

And that lie was passed down through generations, quietly replayed in patterns, choices, and self-worth.

That same message has echoed in many of our lives, hasn’t it?

I’ve had to face that same question myself. What were the lines drawn in the sands of my own generations? What boundaries did pain and shame create before I even knew they existed? What was I robbed of — not physically, but emotionally, spiritually — that shaped how I saw myself and how I believed others saw me?

For me, that message came early.

My mother had four children. By the time I was nine years old, I believed my mother didn’t love me — because she never wanted four children. And I was the fourth. That seed of rejection took root so deeply that it started shaping how I saw God. I thought, If my mother couldn’t love me because she had too many children, how could God love me when He has the whole world to take care of?

That was the question of my little heart. And it was a question I carried quietly for years.

But I’ve learned something since then — something the enemy never wanted me to discover: the truth that I matter.

Every scar, every tear, every “why me” moment — God was using it to rewrite the message that had been passed down to me. What the enemy meant to use as rejection, God turned into redirection. The same lines that were meant to define my limits became the place where I met His grace.

And that’s what I want you to hear today: You matter.

You matter even if your beginnings were broken.

You matter even if your story started in pain.

You matter even if you were made to believe you were unwanted, unseen, or unloved.

Don’t carry the wounds that were never yours to hold. Don’t let generational pain define who you are. Let God show you how to cross those lines in the sand and step into the place where His love meets your healing.

Someone is waiting on the other side of your testimony to hear that same message — from your voice, from your healing, from your deliverance.

Tell them the truth:

You matter.

One way

Headed the Wrong Way on a One-Way

I’ll never forget the day I was driving full speed ahead—right in the wrong direction—up a ONE WAY. I was distracted, laughing on my cell phone, and I missed my turn to enter the correct ramp. In my own reasoning, I thought I could take a “shortcut.” My mother was sitting in the passenger seat, and before I knew it, I was halfway up an exit ramp—cars were supposed to be coming down, not up.

I remember feeling the shock hit me all at once as I realized what I had done. But even in my carelessness, God’s mercy met me. He gave me the grace, space, and time to back up, turn around, and safely get back into the right flow of traffic.

You see, it should have been obvious I was going the wrong way. The signs were there. The warnings were clear. But I was distracted, confident in my own decision, and not paying attention.

Isn’t that how life can be sometimes? We’re headed in the wrong direction, fully convinced we’re right. We ignore the signs. We justify our choices. And by the time we realize the truth, we’ve already gone too far up the ramp.

Maybe it’s not a literal one-way, but a spiritual, emotional, or relational one.

Maybe you’ve gotten involved in an adulterous affair, believing the lie that he or she was “separated,” so somehow you had a right to them. Maybe you’ve followed a belief system that seemed right because it made sense to your mind, but it wasn’t God’s truth.

The Bible says in Proverbs 14:12, “There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.”

No matter what lie you’ve believed, God loves you enough to protect you even in your deception. He loves you enough to give you time to make a U-turn. He will reveal the truth if you earnestly ask Him in Jesus’ name. There are no shortcuts to righteousness, and there are no alternate routes to God.

Jesus said in John 14:6, “I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.”

There is only one way, and His name is Jesus.

I think often about that day. Who did God divert to protect me and my mother and me from hurting them? Who forgot their keys and had to go back home? Who took another route that afternoon because heaven’s angels rearranged traffic just to save us? God was working behind the scenes the whole time.

If you have loved ones going the wrong way, don’t stop praying. God is able to deliver them just as He delivered me. What He did on that ramp physically, He can do spiritually for those you love.

Even in relationships, when we finally realize we’re heading the wrong way, God in His mercy allows us time to turn around before we destroy ourselves—or others in our path. A wrong connection can derail a destiny. Generations matter to God. Scripture carefully records, “this one begot that one,” because lineage carries legacy.

Think about Ruth and Boaz. What if Boaz hadn’t discerned Ruth’s worth? What if she had stayed tied to the wrong field or the wrong man? Jesus Himself came from that lineage. One wrong relationship could’ve altered generations.

So if you find yourself heading up the wrong ramp—spiritually, emotionally, or relationally—pause. Seek God. Let Him show you where you are, and give you grace to turn around.

God’s love is not just in the blessings—it’s in the warnings. And His mercy is not just in the rescue—it’s in the chance to turn back before it’s too late.

You may have gone the wrong way, but thank God, there’s still time to make a U-turn.

The ledge of faith

Keep Building: God is Not Done with You Yet”

Sometimes in life it will feel as though you’re standing on a ledge and nothing but ashes and the task before you seems impossible. You can see the vision, but your hands tremble at the thought of how it’s ever going to come together. That’s exactly how Nehemiah must have felt — standing on the ledge of faith, staring at broken walls and burned gates, yet believing God enough to start rebuilding anyway.

There are those of us who are called to both guard and build. God is calling us to pick up our tools again, even when it feels too late or too heavy. You may have lost your passion, your focus, or even your sense of purpose — but let me ask you this: What makes you cry? What burdens you so deeply that you can’t ignore it? That thing right there is often where your purpose lives.

The walls of Jerusalem had been broken down and the gates burned for years. But when Nehemiah heard about it, he didn’t gossip, complain, or scroll past the problem. The Bible says he wept, fasted, and prayed. He was grieved over the ruin of his nation. Some may have looked at him as just a cupbearer — an ordinary man with an ordinary job. But Nehemiah was a cupbearer with a burden from God, strategically positioned to serve the King and Queen.

Don’t you dare underestimate where God has you. Your position isn’t random — it’s divine. You are where you are because God is using that place to prepare you, shape you, and give you access for the assignment ahead. You’re not just serving a system or a company; you’re being positioned to change history.

Before Nehemiah ever built a wall, he built an altar. He repented for the sins of Israel and reminded God of His promises. That’s where breakthrough begins — with repentance and remembrance. God hasn’t forgotten His word over your life, but sometimes He’s waiting for you to remind Him of what He said.

If you’ll stand in the gap like Nehemiah did and begin to rebuild what’s been torn down in your family — spiritually, emotionally, or financially — God will restore the waste places. What’s been broken for years can be rebuilt in days when it’s God’s appointed time.

The enemy mocked Nehemiah, just like he mocks you. They said, “What are these feeble Jews doing? Do they think they can rebuild this wall?” They laughed at him, ridiculed his efforts, and questioned his strength. But Nehemiah didn’t stop. He kept building. Mute the noise. It’s none of their business. Everyone won’t understand what you’re doing or why you’re doing it — but they don’t have to.

You will be challenged. You will be mocked. You will be misunderstood. But you must remain focused and finish what God told you to do.

Maybe the enemy is whispering to you: “How will you recover from this divorce? How will you rebuild after bankruptcy? How will you help others heal when you’re still healing?” The answer is simple — the same God who helped Nehemiah will help you.

God is rebuilding the walls of your bloodline. He’s restoring what’s been in ruins for generations. He’s bringing beauty from ashes and speed to the rebuilding process. It’s not over. You are being positioned for favor. You are being strengthened to finish. Keep building and warring with the promises of God. The walls and gates are being restored — generationally. God is not done with you yet.

Against all odds

I absolutely love horses and believe I will ride more in the future. There’s something powerful, free, and spiritual about the way they move—graceful yet strong, calm yet full of fire. Horses have always spoken to something deep in my spirit, maybe because my childhood dream was to be a jockey. I had the height, the weight—but even more than those, I had the heart.

At 18 years old, Apostle John Eckhardt prophesied over me: “No matter how much the odds seem to be against you, know that I am a God of miracles, and My miracle-working power is in your life to break you through against incredible odds.” I still believe God. Those words have followed me through every heartbreak, every closed door, every moment I wanted to quit.

It takes guts and grit to believe God when the odds are stacked against you. It took the same kind of faith for jockey Sonny Leon on May 7, 2022, when he rode Rich Strike in the Kentucky Derby. He wasn’t even supposed to be in the race. No one saw him coming. In fact, his owners didn’t even get the call until minutes before another horse scratched.

But here’s the part that gets me—he was ready. He didn’t need time to prepare because his training had already prepared him for that moment. When opportunity called, he didn’t hesitate. He mounted up and ran his race. Against 250-to-1 odds, Rich Strike won the Kentucky Derby. According to Fox Sports Australia, he only had 30 seconds to register before the deadline. Thirty seconds! And as he headed out of the stall, he was sitting in 17th place with just 40 seconds left in the race.

I see myself in that story. I see God’s prophetic word being fulfilled even when it looks like I missed my window. God has saved you a spot. Nobody is even going to see you coming. You may have felt overlooked, left out, or delayed, but your moment has already been reserved in heaven.

When God says it’s time, it won’t matter how many odds are stacked against you. You won’t have to fight for a position or beg for a seat. You’ll be divinely called into your moment. Like Rich Strike, you’ve been trained in the background for a stage you didn’t even know you’d be on.

I believe God is about to release not just me, but others like me—those who have been hidden, faithful, and obedient when no one was watching. Your training wasn’t in vain. The pain had purpose. The discipline was divine.

Esther, your season of beautification won’t last forever.. Your King will crown you one day— you are His crown. It’s time to take your rightful place. Don’t give up. You’re about to get your shot. What God has for you cannot be taken by anyone else. Your blessings have been on reserve.

Get ready to run. 🐎

Proverbs 12:4 – A virtuous wife is the crown of her husband, but she who shames him is as rottenness in his bones.

Dear June

It was on August 31, 2017 I heard you crying but you and I know this wasn’t our first encounter.  I could hear you loud and clear in my spirit.  Your cry was, Remember me.  I was on my way to drive and train a provider on some software he was struggling to document.  I headed out with my worship music on.  I wasn’t heavy about anything. 

Your cry to me was disturbing because I began to immediately weep.  How could I ever forget you?  See just like God said Abel’s blood was crying out from the ground in Gen 4:10. So was yours.

The Lord knew this.  I finished my book in September 2016 but did not release it until June 2020 on my birthday. My letter that prefaces my book under special thanks to you, reads as such!

To my unborn baby, you are not in the pictures with the other four everyone can see: you live in heaven’s nursery.  But you are forever carried in my heart and counted. I can’t wait to hold you and raise you in heaven! One of my greatest restoration gifts will be to raise you in heaven with your father.  Your childhood will be perfect! I recently learned that God doesn’t even take away the privilege of us naming you, if we both make it to heaven.  I found out that we are encouraged to name you, even if we don’t know your gender.  Together, we finally named you in December 2015. I would like to thank you for forgiving me, your father, and all those who were involved, the doctor, the nurse, and your grandmother. I love you more than words can ever express.  I found Jesus in my brokenness because I lost you.  Your blood still has a voice in my life that cries for restoration, forgiveness, mercy, and grace.  I love you.

See, what others don’t know was I never knew your grandmother’s name until that December 2015.  Your dad would often get extremely quite as he grieved her every December.  I had been asking him for almost seven years to name you.  See, I believe you are a girl.  I asked him what his mother’s name was.  He said, June.  I asked June what? He said June Estelle.  I immediately asked him, could we name you after his mother.  He was just as delighted but neither of us could believe it took that long to do it.  I then went on to ask when was her birthday.  I did know it was in June but wasn’t sure of the exact date.  See, your due date was June 19 and her birthday was June 21.  Never would I have imagined God would have given me another daughter.  I had long given up on having another child.  I wasn’t even married.

I was almost 45 years old, and your dad was much older. I had no idea he was slowly dying.  He didn’t share it with me.  We weren’t in a relationship anymore, but I didn’t want to add to my body count.  All hell had broken out in my home with your brothers, and I didn’t even want to go home anymore.  I couldn’t believe I was pregnant in July 2016.  It was just 7 months after naming you.  I took a blood test at 12 weeks pregnant with your sister.  They wanted to make sure she wasn’t deformed.  I found out she was a girl. 

Nobody, and I mean nobody, could have told me I would have another chance at having a daughter.  Your sister was barely hanging on.  I wasn’t regularly engaging sexually so I wasn’t on birth control. I actually took a Plan B pill afterwards. I cried out to God and repented after I found out I was actually pregnant. My gynecologist insisted I should abort.  I knew I would never abort again.  It broke me when I aborted you.  All the years I labored and travailed for Ruth’s vineyard to be birthed to save other babies from abortion.  She sent me three weeks in a row to test my HCG numbers.  They were significantly low.  She told me the baby would not be normal.   I went one last time to get a blood test and my numbers shot up to the normal count. 

I was having a baby.  He didn’t want any more children.  Your dad completely shut down on me for the third time now.  How could I find myself in this same place again, I asked myself.

It took him until I was 7 months pregnant before God turned his heart.  God knows if we hadn’t named you after your grandmother just 7 months prior than that would have been your sisters name.  This is one more reason why I believe with all my heart, you were my first girl.  God gave me a second chance.  He told me that Laialh was my second chance. It took me having a girl to raise back up in my spirit.  I wanted something different for the women in my bloodline.  I never again allowed myself to be dishonored myself with him after your sister was born. He was thinking about turning back.  He kept saying he didn’t believe she would remember him.  I cried out to God and asked him to please tell him that I was going on with or without him.

 The next day he came and asked me to sit down and he said I had a dream.  I said ok. He said in the dream, you let me know that you and I were done.  I said, I have been telling you that and I asked God to tell you.  He said, God also showed me that your heart was open to with be the one God would send you.  See, I never went back. Although he came almost every day to help me with her.  I don’t know why God let me hear you but perhaps the Lord wanted me to make sure I didn’t go back with him. So, when on August 31, 2017, I heard you weeping and crying to me, Remember me:  I was broken. 

See I had already read the books on Heaven that let me know that the aborted babies wait for their parents. You wanted your dad to make it home and I needed to make sure I wasn’t in the way. I wanted the same thing and your cry was the encounter that reassured me I had made the right decision. We spent our last day with him on 1/21/2019 including Jeremy.  And God remembered you and brought him home to you on September 15, 2019.  I dream about how your dad tells you all about me and how much you mean to me. God is going to avenge your blood and I am going to be working on Ruth’s Vineyard soon.  I love you so much. You are never forgotten in my life.

until the day we meet in heaven and I get to raise you,

Forever your mommy

Get Back up!

Get Back Up: You’re Still the Champ 🥊

We all loved Muhammad Ali for so many different reasons. As we remember and celebrate his legacy this month — the month of his passing on June 3, 2016 — we’re reminded that he wasn’t just a boxer; he was a force of nature. He had an unshakable confidence, a voice that couldn’t be silenced, and a boldness that made the world take notice. Ali was famous not only for winning his matches, but for calling his victory before the fight ever began. Some would even say he spoke prophetically about what round he’d knock his opponent out.

One of the most famous examples of this was his fight with Sonny Liston. Ali (then Cassius Clay) started taunting Liston almost immediately after the fight was announced. He even bought a bus and had it painted with the words “Liston Must Go in Eight.” On the day of the contract signing, Ali drove that bus straight to Liston’s home in Denver — with the press right behind him — and woke him up at 3:00 a.m. yelling, “Come on out of there! I’m gonna whip you now!”

Liston, who had just moved into a quiet neighborhood, was furious. But Ali didn’t stop there. He drove that same bus to Florida where Liston was training and shouted, “After the fight, I’m gonna build myself a pretty home and use him as a bearskin rug! Liston even smells like a bear. I’m gonna give him to the zoo after I whip him!”

What boldness! What confidence! And the thing is — Ali didn’t just say it. He did it.

That same boldness reminds me of how our enemy, Satan, operates. He studies us. He’s watched our past victories and our past mistakes. He taunts us just like Ali taunted Liston. Sometimes he lands a hit — and yes, sometimes we get knocked down. But God wants you to know today: you are not defeated just because you fell.

Get. Back. Up.

It doesn’t matter how many lies he throws your way:

“You’re not worthy.”

“You’ll never be forgiven.”

“You’ve messed up too many times.”

“It’s too late.”

Those are all lies from the pit of hell. The enemy wants to distort your image of yourself because if he can defeat you in your mind, he can defeat you in your life. Muhammad Ali understood that principle — if he could get in his opponent’s head, the fight was already half-won.

But here’s the truth: you are not who the enemy says you are. You are who God says you are.

Repent, turn back to Him, and get back up. You are beautiful. You are forgiven. You are the redeemed of the Lord. You belong to God.

So many in the body of Christ have been knocked down and don’t know how to recover. But Proverbs 24:16 reminds us:

“For though a righteous man falls seven times, he rises again.”

Falling isn’t failure — staying down is.

God has a prophetic word for you today: It’s not too late to redeem your title. You can still finish strong. You can still win because the victory was already secured for you at Calvary.

Romans 8:37 declares:

“Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him that loved us.”

So, rise up, champion. Dust yourself off. Step back in the ring. You’re still the champ — not because of your strength, but because of His victory.

You win because He won. 🥊

Now get back up!

“God will Remember you”

Genesis 30:1–2 says:

“And when Rachel saw that she bare Jacob no children, Rachel envied her sister; and said unto Jacob, Give me children, or else I die. And Jacob’s anger was kindled against Rachel: and he said, Am I in God’s stead, who hath withheld from thee the fruit of the womb?”

I’ve always been struck by this passage — the tension, the desperation, the longing. Rachel loved Jacob deeply, but her love became heavy when it turned into pressure. She cried out in anguish, “Give me children, or else I die.” Jacob, frustrated and angry, responded in truth: “Am I in God’s stead?”

I can hear him saying, “Rachel, I am not God! Don’t put that kind of burden on me. Only He can open your womb.”

That moment has ministered to me in such a personal way. I remember times when I looked to my husband to heal wounds he never caused. I wanted him to love me enough to erase my childhood pain, to fix what was broken in me. But like Jacob, he was never meant to carry that weight. Healing belongs to God.

What about you, friend? How many times have you placed an impossible expectation on someone — a spouse, a parent, a friend — hoping they could give you what only God can? Maybe you’ve poured yourself into your children, your marriage, or your ministry, and it still feels barren. Maybe you’ve prayed, wept, and waited, wondering if God has forgotten you.

Rachel felt that too. She watched her sister Leah give birth over and over while she sat empty. Her name means “ewe,” a female sheep — yet she was barren. Everything about her identity felt mocked by her reality. But here’s the truth: God never forgot Rachel. The Bible says, “And God remembered Rachel, and God hearkened to her, and opened her womb” (Genesis 30:22).

He remembered her, and He will remember you.

God’s timing is not denial — it’s development. Sometimes He withholds what we long for most so He can form what we truly need inside. Rachel thought she needed a child; God knew she needed to know her value beyond what she could produce.

In my own story, God used the pain of my marriage to draw me closer to Him. It wasn’t punishment — it was purification. The Lord wanted me to understand that my worth wasn’t tied to being chosen, loved, or validated by a man. He wanted to be the one to fill the blank places in my heart.

Maybe that’s what He’s doing for you right now. Maybe He’s creating enough emptiness in your life that you’ll finally let Him fill it.

Because when God “remembers” you — it’s not that He ever forgot. It means He moves on your behalf. It means the waiting season has served its purpose, and the birthing season has come. Rachel’s tears didn’t go unseen, and neither do yours. God is about to make your sorrow sing.

Your tears have not been wasted. The pain, the waiting, the heartbreak — all of it has been preparation for promise. Just as Rachel gave birth to Joseph, the one who would later save his family from famine, what God births through you will redeem generations.

You are not forgotten. You are being remembered. And when God remembers, everything changes.

Let Him fill in the blank. Let Him heal what others couldn’t. Because when He does, you’ll no longer say, “Give me or else I die,” but rather, “God, thank You — I’ve finally learned to live.”

Keep going

As a young child, I can remember when we heard our name called in school, we were instructed to say, present.  God is taking attendance in this hour and he is looking to see if we are in our positions.  Are you AWOL, absent without leave?  Have you abandoned your post spiritually and perhaps even naturally?  Sometimes we can be present physically but we have checked out in other ways.  We must return to our first love that is Christ and start over again and sometimes all it takes to start over is just to be present. However, sometimes life can throw you a curve ball and cause you to become so broken that being present becomes the miracle.

On January 26, 2020, the world was shaken not by Coronavirus but by the sudden and extremely tragic death of legendary NBA player Kobie Bryant and not just him but his daughter and several others.  It wasn’t supposed to be this way and while the world was grieving him and his daughter, his wife and children would have to find the strength to live on without them both. In an interview with People magazine, it tells how the world was mourning, Vanesa still had to stay present for her other three daughters.

 I can only imagine the weights not only on her shoulders but her heart.  It wasn’t just about her loss, but she had to now be able to comfort them while she also was grieving. The work that Kobie had already started would suffer and all of those that depended on it if she was not able to keep it together and be present.  The article shares how she was able to take charge of his unfinished projects at Granity Studios and how she relaunched his non-for profit Mamba and Mambacita Sports Foundation, as a tribute to both Kobie and her daughter.  This organization will help empower young girls and other underserved athletes which was one of his greatest visions.  People magazine states. “All the while, Vanessa showed breathe taking resilience and grace as she navigated heartache while staying present for her daughters.” I believe this has been one of her biggest challenges.

I have lost both my children’s fathers to rare forms of cancer. I can only imagine her grief because her youngest two daughters are very small. Although, her loved ones were not sick, they were abruptly lost in a moment without warning.  I still understand and can empathize with her pain.  I remember a day in my life that the weights and cares of this world I was carrying were so great, I didn’t think I was going to make it.  It was so difficult for me just to get up because of depression.  I was struggling as a single mom.  When my husband walked out and left me with my three sons, the youngest was 9 months old. I was a wreck and yet was required to stay present because they were depending on me. After just 3 years of our divorce, he died of a rare form of cancer. I had to keep going.  You must keep going. Others are depending on you.

And when my daughter lost her father a few years ago at two, she was consistently asking for him. It is a place that you must trust God to heal you and them so that the other things in your life don’t fall by the wayside.  God wants to heal your heart if you will continue to press and stay present in the moment.  There are others that are depending on you and this is a defining moment for you. Find hope and joy which is your strength in the beauty of the things that you have left and are surrounded by.  Don’t allow the bitterness of this past season to make you check out and refuse to be comforted.  Learn from Vanessa Bryant, myself and others that have experienced the same loss. Let us draw strength and remember that God is the same God yesterday, today and forever.

My notebook

From July 2005 to July 2007, I stepped out of my comfort zone and into a world I knew little about. I worked as a research assistant for a longitudinal study on Alzheimer’s disease at Rush Hospital. It was completely different from my field, yet God was preparing me in ways I didn’t understand then. I am a communicator by nature—I love to talk—and that’s exactly what the job required. Each day, I conducted two 2½-hour scripted interviews with participants. We had to ask the same deeply personal questions year after year.

The participants couldn’t already have dementia or Alzheimer’s, and they had to be at least sixty-five years old. What fascinated me most was not just the science—it was the humanity. The heart. My question then, and still now, remains: What will you remember when you forget?

Alzheimer’s first steals your short-term memory. But your long-term memories—those engraved in your heart—often linger. So what will your heart remember when your mind forgets?

I remember one Thanksgiving afternoon, sitting with my late husband’s stepfather, Charlie. He was almost eighty-one and helping me cut sweet potatoes. He told the same childhood story over and over—each time with the same sparkle in his eyes and gratitude in his voice. I listened each time like it was brand new. His memories of his mother’s love watered the soil of my own heart. He didn’t know it, but he had saved my life years earlier when my late husband told him not to leave me while I was pregnant. I loved him dearly, and he loved me and my boys. That memory, I’ll always keep.

Later, I thought of another moment that forever marked me. I was in Minnesota assessing a priest who had been both a social worker and a priest for thirty-eight years. As I finished wrapping up my laptop cord, he looked at me and said in this deep, commanding voice, “Dear, do you know you have a gift?” I laughed lightly and asked, “What gift is that?” He said, “You have a gift of ease. I’ve never felt so comfortable sharing with anyone like I did with you today.”

That word stayed with me. A gift of ease. It wasn’t something I’d ever read in the Bible, but I would later learn that this grace would serve me well in my calling—it was a shadow of my eternal assignment in heaven.

One question from those interviews still echoes in my spirit:

“Were you the type of person who stood up for what you believed, regardless of the consequences?”

If I were on the other side of that interview, my answer would be a resounding yes. Like David, I would say, Is there not a cause? I’ve always been willing to stand for truth, to fight for generations now and those to come. Caleb and Joshua believed they were well able to overcome the giants in their land, and God honored their faith. It took time, but they received every promise. They remembered what He had done for them in Egypt—and that remembrance carried them through.

You’re writing on the hearts of everyone who loves you. One day, if their mind forgets, may their heart still remember your love, your faith, your courage.

So slay your giants. Fall in love. Chase your Mavericks. Don’t be afraid to try again.

Stand for what you believe.

And never forget what your heart remembers.

Freedom

“The Word That Freed Me”

A year before my late ex-husband passed away, I received one of the most unexpected phone calls of my life. I was at work, minding my business, not knowing that a word of freedom was on its way to find me.

Now let me be honest — we didn’t talk much at all. In fact, communication between us had become almost nonexistent. But this time was different. He was obeying God. He said, “Marie, I’m not a hundred percent sure if you want to be married again, but this I know — you believe your future husband will not have a right to all that God is going to give you because of what you suffered with me.”

That statement stopped me in my tracks. See, we weren’t talking as friends. We were barely brother and sister in Christ at that point. But the weight of his words hit my spirit. He was a man who didn’t always understand his authority, but when he spoke for God, heaven moved.

He had already brought me before his church and openly repented for how he had treated me. His message had become forgiveness. Yet even as his spirit was being renewed, his body was bearing the cost of bitterness and unforgiveness.

When he spoke that word, I didn’t argue. I simply said, “I’ll consider what you said and ask Jesus.” I hung up the phone humbly, with an open heart. But let me tell you — I wasn’t ready for what came next.

Y’all, the Holy Ghost hijacked me right there at work. I didn’t have a single tissue in that office. I cried so hard that snot was dangling from my nose, and I thought my insides were going to burst. I ran to the bathroom, shut the door, and placed everyone in my office under “spiritual arrest.” I told the angels, “Guard this door. No one comes in.”

Right there, I told God I wasn’t going to wrestle with that word. I wanted to be free — and I didn’t believe freedom had to take years. I cried that thing out until the demon of bitterness had to go. I wanted nothing standing between me and my next husband. I knew I had stepped into generational warfare, and there were spoils waiting for several generations — promises that had been whispered to me in secret and confirmed publicly through prophetic ministry.

And here’s the thing: I didn’t even realize I felt that way until God used the same mouth that once wounded me to speak freedom over me. It reminds me of the little Shunammite girl who told Naaman to go see the prophet Elisha (2 Kings 5).

That story always humbles me. Can you receive a word of freedom from the same one who placed you in bondage? Or can you give a word to the one who’s holding you in theirs?

Naaman almost missed his healing because pride blocked his obedience. It was humiliating to strip down and dip seven times in the muddy Jordan River, but that obedience led to his healing.

Sometimes the road to freedom doesn’t look like what we expect. Sometimes it’s wrapped in humility, covered in tears, and carried by the very person we never thought God would use.

God told me to write my memoir and release it in His time — not when others were ready, but when He built the platform. And when He did, it wasn’t just for me. It was for those who would walk beside me — partners in freedom, faith, purpose, and love.

So if you’re willing to receive the word from an unlikely messenger and obey even when it feels humiliating — God says He’ll do it again, just like He did for Naaman and me.

Receive your healing. Be made whole. And walk free.

Life's puzzle pieces

The Missing Pieces

Life can feel like a puzzle at times. There have been seasons in my life where I wondered if the missing pieces would ever be found. I couldn’t see how the pieces were going to fit together, or how anything beautiful could come out of the chaos I was looking at.

Pieces of my childhood.

Pieces of my broken heart from adultery and divorce.

Pieces of me as a single mother without the support of their fathers.

Pieces of my heart from broken promises of “I do.”

Pieces of my inheritance that were stolen.

Pieces that seemed lost forever.

But God—He is the Master Puzzle Maker. He knows where every piece belongs, and He has a way of taking what looks shattered and fitting it perfectly back together. When He finishes His work, the picture you once saw in your heart will be even better than the one you imagined.

The power of His Spirit through the prophetic and faith has the ability to restore what was once broken, align what was once out of order, and reveal the masterpiece that’s been forming behind the scenes all along.

Lately, I’ve been asking God to help me step into the next chapter of my life. There’s something sacred about surrendering your timeline and saying, “Lord, I trust You with every piece I love and desire.” Before I attended a small prophetic gathering, I asked God for clarity in three specific areas — areas I considered missing pieces in that season.

Just like God always sent prophets to speak to kings in the Bible, the prophetic in my life has always brought clarity, comfort, and confirmation. It’s through the prophetic that God has often shown me the bigger picture when all I could see were scattered fragments.

God wants to show you the big picture, too — but it will require obedience. It will require humility to honor the prophetic instructions He gives, even when they challenge your comfort zone. In March of 2021, during that gathering, the Lord spoke directly to all three areas I had asked Him about — and more. The clarity that came was undeniable.

Sometimes, what’s holding us back from walking into the next chapter is that we refuse to release what He’s already said is over. Maybe you’re holding on to something that once made sense but is now keeping you from your promise. Maybe you’ve resisted moving, changing, or letting go because the next puzzle piece doesn’t look like what you expected.

Can God trust you with new instructions without you rejecting them because they’re different from your plan? That’s where faith and surrender meet.

Within weeks of that prophetic word, God began to reveal new pieces — and simultaneously, He removed something old that had lingered far too long. It was nothing short of miraculous. I watched as He shifted things that had been stagnant for years.

And just when I thought the picture was complete, God spoke again. I was told I would not always live in Illinois — that my covenant roots would not be here. He said my next roots would be deep, stable, and fruitful. That word hit me deeply, because I had just asked God if, when I married again, I would stay here. God knew I was ready for details.

Then came the final piece: I was told I was entering a new season of visitations and encounters with the Lord, and that He was making all things new. I have seen the beginning of that word unfolding right before my eyes — and I believe He’s about to do the same for you.

God is not done. He’s still putting your puzzle together. Don’t lose heart while He’s fitting the pieces in place. The image He’s creating will tell a story of redemption, beauty, and divine timing.

God's perspective: Life's playground

I wrote this poem on June 24, 2004 in the midst of a three year consecration and separation from from my late ex-husband. I was on my lunch break and went to eat alone at the park across the street from my job. I skipped lunch with my best friend that day. After lunch, I immediately wrote this poem. It’s time to come in from the playground…. God was letting me know how he sees us at times.

Jonnie and Susie are still in the air on their swings,

 Caught in between their childhood and the decisions of adult things,

 Who forgot to go get them?

Leslie and Timmy are on the seesaw,

 No one told them, if you steal that they would be breaking the law,

The law of gravity, because what goes up must come down,

Please tell them its time to leave the playground.

Samaria and Michael are playing in the sand,

Crying because the wind blew and the castle they built won’t stand,

But who forgot to tell them, you can’t build a house on the sand,

But who forgot to tell them, you need a strong foundation to understand,

That the sun doesn’t always shine and there will be rainy days,

Go tell them to come in from the playground, that childhood is only a phase.

Kimberly climbed up the slide and now is afraid to come down,

Who forgot to tell her, you don’t do drugs and get high,

Go tell her someone told her a lie,

 Because she’s afraid if she comes down, she’ll have to face the issues on the ground.

Vincent and Amber were hanging from the monkey bars and were afraid to go across,

But who forgot to tell them, if they try and fall that they can recover from the loss.

No one wanted to go first and be the boss,

Where are the leaders?

The interceders,

Please, tell them we need them to leave the playground now.

Todd found a beautiful toy in the park, jut after dark, that had been left all alone

 And Mark came by the way and claimed it as his own,

 Who forgot to tell them, they’re not children anymore----they are grown.

 And that Pamela’s not a toy, she’s real and that was not the deal,

 It was till death do them part.

 Please tell the girls to be responsible for themselves and not become toys,

 Because girls become women and men sometimes become boys,

Don’t forgot to take care of your things,

 And children, please, get off those swings,

 And the seasaw that takes you up and down,

 Please, come down from the slide, and face the issues that make you hide, stop playing on the merry go round,

 Please, please somebody tell the children to come in from the playground.

Present yourself

I remember a day when God told Elijah that it was time to present himself to Ahab. For three long years, Elijah had been hidden — tucked away by the hand of God, sustained by ravens and a widow’s oil. God will sometimes keep you hidden to protect you, to prepare you, and to refine your obedience before the unveiling. But there comes a moment when the Lord says, “Now, go present yourself.”

1 Kings 18:1 says,

“And it came to pass after many days that the word of the Lord came to Elijah, in the third year, saying, Go, present yourself to Ahab, and I will send rain upon the earth.”

Elijah’s obedience to simply show up was the key that unlocked heaven’s rain. The entire nation had been in famine because the heavens were shut — not by accident, but by the word of a prophet who obeyed God. And now, it was time to obey again.

There are seasons when you’ve been hidden for protection — misunderstood, overlooked, even forgotten. But don’t confuse being hidden with being done. God is preparing you for your reintroduction. Sometimes your next breakthrough doesn’t require a grand announcement or a social media post — it simply requires your presence.

You don’t have to have it all figured out. You don’t have to understand every detail of what comes next. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is get up, show up, and let God do the rest.

Romans 12:1 reminds us,

“I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.”

Presenting yourself starts with you. Not the version of you that performs, not the one that hides behind pain or fear — but the real, surrendered, available you. The one who says, “Here I am, Lord.”

Elijah didn’t just walk into his next season carelessly. He girded up his loins. That means he prepared. He got rid of distractions and tightened his focus. For some of us, that means coming out of sin, cutting ties with what keeps us bound, and getting emotionally and spiritually ready for what’s ahead.

Elijah also did something powerful before the rain came — he poured out water on the altar. The very thing he needed most, he gave as an offering. And God responded by consuming it with fire.

What are you willing to pour out in this season? What are you holding onto that seems too precious to surrender — your body, your time, your trust, your tears, your control? Sometimes what feels like a waste to others is actually worship to God.

And when the rain finally came, Elijah ran — not away, but ahead. He outran the chariots of Ahab because the hand of the Lord was on him. When you present yourself, God will give you supernatural strength to run in places where others ride.

So what does “presenting yourself” look like today?

It looks like getting up and getting dressed when depression says stay in bed.

It looks like clocking into work on time with excellence when no one praises you.

It looks like being emotionally present for your spouse, your kids, and your calling.

It looks like finishing what you started — even when it’s hard.

God is ready to send rain — but He’s waiting on you to present yourself.

He’s not asking for perfection. He’s asking for presence.

Because when you show up, heaven will respond.

It wasn't a Threesome

Birthing the Dream of God

It was intimate and it was done in the secret place. It was no longer about the three of us. It wasn’t about if he said yes or not. God required me to be face down and on my knees. That was where He wanted me—fully surrendered. I was finally positioned. It was just between God and me.

It wasn’t a threesome, although God wanted us to do it together. He wanted a yes—not a partial yes, not a conditional one, but a surrendered yes. I had finally come into a place of complete surrender. My heart was open, my will broken, and I was ready to conceive the dream of God.

God has prophetic dreams for you and your generations. He had chosen to impregnate mine in the lining of my marriage. It was fertile ground—the place where He would do His greatest work. He had already planted the seeds: “You are a key factor in breaking this spirit of death and false religion. When you get to this place in Me, you will be a major voice. Whole families will come out of your loins. It is not an accident the family you were born into—you will bring them life because I am life.”

It was time to push. And though the pressure was great, it was measured. God allowed just enough to shape me but not destroy me. There were moments I thought I would die, but the truth was—I was being reborn.

God is not trying to kill you; He’s trying to get you out of the way. He’s forming His image inside of you. He’s teaching you how to respond the way He would respond. I could no longer say what I wanted to say or do what I wanted to do. I was carrying something holy—something bigger than me. I was giving birth to the dream of God.

Just like Mary, I was carrying the Word. The Word was becoming flesh in my life.

Psalm 126 says, “When the Lord turned again the captivity of Zion, we were like those who dream.”

My marriage was falling apart, yet God was still requiring me to honor Him, to stay on my face in prayer, and to intercede beyond what my eyes could see. It was one of the most painful seasons of my life. I was watching what I loved the most die, while God was requiring me to dream for better—for my family and for the generations that would come through me.

I was pushing past pain, rejection, fear, abuse, and destruction. I wanted everything God had promised me and my bloodline. Watching the enemy destroy marriages, steal souls through deception, and dismantle the wealth that God had ordained for my family broke my heart—and it brought me back to my knees.

You may not fully understand what you are birthing right now. You might be carrying your children, a marriage, your generations, or even a nation. Sometimes it feels like nothing is moving, or maybe it seems dead—but it’s not. God is working in you, shaping something that would be hard to believe if He told you all the details.

Seek Him for wisdom. Ask Him for understanding. God is inviting you into a deeper level of intimacy—a place where conception happens. It’s there, in the secret place, that you will conceive and give birth to His prophetic dreams.

Let Him turn your captivity so you can dream again.

Proverbs 24:3 – Through wisdom is a house built; and by understanding it is established.

Psalm 126:1 – When the Lord turned again the captivity of Zion, we were like them that dream.

2 Chronicles 20:20 – Believe in the Lord your God, so shall you be established; believe His prophets, so shall you prosper.

The giant drop

Face Your Fears and Rise Again

Facing your fears in life can be one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to overcome.

There we were, standing near this huge crowd of people. Excitement was everywhere—children laughing, families hurrying to get their place in line. My sixteen-year-old son, Jeremy, turned to me, placed his hands firmly on my shoulders, looked me straight in the eyes, and said, “I’ll be back. I’m going to face my fears!”

He was headed toward the Giant Drop—that ride that sends your heart plummeting before your body even follows. But in that moment, it wasn’t just about a ride. For me, as his mother, it was defining. I could see so much more than my boy about to conquer a thrill; I saw a man in the making—someone who, one day, would stand tall against whatever life brought his way.

And I was grateful. Because I knew, deep down, the only reason he could face his fears was because I had already faced mine.

It was one of the most vulnerable seasons of my life. God had opened my heart and begun doing spiritual open-heart surgery on me—cutting deep, healing old wounds from childhood I didn’t even realize still ached. I needed you then. I needed someone to carry me to the Father when my legs of faith felt too weak to walk.

My mother wasn’t there like yours was. I already had one child and was carrying another. And just when I needed steady hands the most, you started to pull away. It felt like I was hanging in the air—suspended, waiting to be dropped at any moment.

Maybe you’ve been there too.

Dropped by someone you depended on.

Dropped by your spouse.

Dropped by your parents at birth and placed for adoption.

Dropped by a job you gave twenty years of your life to.

Just… dropped.

And you didn’t know how you would land. You were terrified. Not just for yourself—but for the ones depending on you to stand strong. You wanted to yell, “Wait! Wait until I can get myself together so we both won’t fall!”

I know that feeling. That moment when your hopes are set so high, and suddenly, you’re staring down at what feels like a life-or-death fall.

In that moment, I remembered Mephibosheth.

“And Jonathan, Saul’s son, had a son that was lame of his feet. He was five years old when the news came of Saul and Jonathan’s death… and as his nurse fled, he fell and became lame.”

—2 Samuel 4:4

Maybe like Mephibosheth, you were trying to escape one kind of pain and ended up falling into another. Maybe while you were just trying to survive, you got hurt even more—falsely accused, betrayed, abandoned, or left financially crippled.

Whatever has left you feeling broken—mentally, emotionally, spiritually, or physically—God has not forgotten you. He knows exactly where you are.

So let’s ring Mephibosheth’s doorbell for a minute:

“And David said, Is there yet any that is left of the house of Saul, that I may show him kindness for Jonathan’s sake?”

—2 Samuel 9:1

When Mephibosheth was brought before David, he bowed low, unsure of what to expect. But David looked at him with compassion and said:

“Fear not: for I will surely show you kindness for Jonathan your father’s sake, and will restore to you all the land of Saul your father; and you shall eat bread at my table continually.”

—2 Samuel 9:7

That’s God’s word for you today.

No matter where you are or how far you’ve fallen, He’s sending for you. You’re not forgotten. He knows where you live, He knows how to restore what was lost, and He’s ready to seat you at His table again.

Just like Mephibosheth, you will walk again. You will run again. You will rise and not faint.

Step up to the plate!

Because you decided to step up to the plate were the words that fell on me like dew from the mouth of C. Peters Wagner’s head intercessor in 2000. This was not just a prophetic word it was an encounter with God.  We were at a deliverance conference and we were on break.  The hospitality suite was packed. I was in a corner with my back turned and talking. I felt a tap on my shoulder and a holy hush came over our table, only. He said, I was in prayer downstairs and the Lord told me to come up here and to minister to someone. He said I had no idea who it was. Talking about being on the radar of heaven!!!

 He knows exactly where you are!!!

 He went on to tell me that he had to pray for me. He told me that God said many of his people do not experience worship with him on the level that I do.  He said God was going to give me a platform and a voice to be heard because I decided to step up to the plate and he was going to put me back where I should have been.  He went on to share much more but my point is this: God promised to give me a platform and a voice to be heard.

I want to encourage you today, if the enemy is trying to make you believe that God has forgotten you; it is not true.  The word says, in Isaiah 49:13 Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me.  He could never forget us. Sometimes we think we are waiting on him but the Father wants us to know that he is waiting for us—to step up to the plate.

Stepping up to plate means you are ready to take on a challenge or a responsibility. Our assignments come with great responsibility.  He is preparing us to run our own race.  Maybe you are saying these things to yourself.  I feel like I don’t know anyone.  I was not born into a wealthy family.  I don’t have a college education.  The bible calls the apostles were unlearned men. They turned the world upside down with the power of God.  Get in the secret place and humble yourself.

Step up to the plate like Moses did to Pharaoh and let God go before you.

Step up to the plate like David did with Goliath.

Step up to the plate like Deborah did.

Step up to the plate like Esther did.

 You are NOT waiting on God.  He is waiting on you.  God has been waiting for all eternity for this moment.  It is time for you to step up to the plate.  His grace will bring you in safely.

 Batters up! Heaven is calling your name…….

You are not a mistake!

I wrote this poem and want to dedicate it to every man and woman that was ever a result of an unplanned pregnancy.  Whether you were the child, the man or the woman that is facing an unplanned pregnancy.  God wants you to know that you were not a mistake and nor is the child that has been created from an unplanned pregnancy. From my heart to yours…….

I am the child that has been called a mistake,

One that was born out a torn and broken relationship.

One that was birthed but aborted from the cares of life,

That ripped at her heart because of her struggle to be a mother and not yet a wife,

One that was conceived out of rape or molestation.

A child labeled a mistake-nurtured by the hand of devastation.

But then he came to restore and to heal,

Then to reveal,

That he too knew what it was like to be conceived

Out of mistrust and disbelief,

Born by the virgin Mary

A man forsaken and stricken with grief,

That we might understand

His love and perfect plan, that before he created the earth,

He also knew the day of your birth,

Before the stars had been sprinkled into the sky,

Before the planets were hung and set into space,

Before the waters covered the deep,

 Before your father and mother came face to face,

You were conceived in his mind,

And delivered at the right time,

NOT A MISTAKE

But a daybreak

With every member of your body recorded in his book

Before they were formed

With every hair numbered on your head,

For he even knew the way you would look,

And yet to say you are a mistake

Is to imply that God was confused.

For when he made you, he made you in his image

To be valued and NOT ABUSED!!!!

May the love of God invade your life as you press pass every obstacle that would make you question your existence. May your heart be turned to the one that created you.

Psalms 139

For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.

Getting through the POOP!

Get Through the Poop!”

Many years ago, I watched The Shawshank Redemption, and although it wasn’t a true story, there was something deeply spiritual about it. As I reflect on my own life, I can’t help but think about Andy — the man who used a small rock hammer to dig his way out of prison after serving nineteen years for a crime he didn’t commit.

But it didn’t stop there.

See, Andy didn’t just break through the wall — he had to crawl through 500 yards of poop to get to his freedom.

That hit me.

Life is not always fair. But if we take what we have — even if it’s small — and stay consistent, we can dig our way out. Andy got up every day, repeated the same routine, and kept digging when it looked impossible. He didn’t know what day would be his last in that cell, but he kept at it.

Maybe you’re there right now.

Maybe you’re digging your way out of debt.

Maybe your business failed because of someone else’s mismanagement.

Maybe you’ve given your all to your children, and now they’ve had to move back home.

Maybe you’re starting over from nothing after someone else’s bad choices left you empty.

Maybe every day feels like another dig through disappointment.

But like Andy — you’ve got to get through the poop.

King David was already anointed king, yet he was hiding in caves, dodging Saul’s javelins, and running from 3,000 soldiers who wanted him dead. That’s some poop! But even there, God was with him.

You may feel like you’re crawling through the mess of your life, but God says, keep digging. He’s with you in the crawl space. He’s with you in the dark tunnel. He’s with you while you’re paying off debt one dollar at a time or rebuilding your credit one point at a time.

Be faithful over the little rock hammer God placed in your hand.

I remember my own “Shawshank” season. I was coming out of a bad financial situation after my divorce. I wanted to buy property, but I had a Saturn Vue SUV — the worst decision ever, though not really my fault. Those cars had faulty transmissions. GM knew it, dropped the line, and filed bankruptcy before we could file for redemption.

I’ll never forget — I was driving one day when my transmission gave out in the middle of the road with an 18-wheeler behind me. God’s hand spared my life. Others had died or become paralyzed from those same faulty transmissions. But I was still here.

That was poop.

The Lakin Law Firm later stated that GM knew about the defects but didn’t fix them. We never received a dime in compensation. Meanwhile, I still owed on the car note — and after my third transmission replacement, I was done.

But I also knew if I let them repossess it, it would ruin my credit — and that would delay my dream of owning property. So I prayed and decided to keep digging.

I called the finance company and offered half of what I owed — about $5,000 — and they marked it “paid in full.” My loan officer later told me that in twenty-seven years, he had never seen anyone get that kind of favor.

God gave me mercy in the middle of the mess.

I crawled through the poop — and came out with my credit intact, my faith stronger, and my freedom on the other side.

So today, I’m telling you — face your fears, start over if you have to, and don’t quit now. Freedom is waiting on the other side of what you’re willing to crawl through.

Keep digging. Keep believing. Keep moving.

Because even if it’s messy — God can still bring you out clean.

Remember me

Sometimes we do things that we know we should not do without counting the cost of our actions.  I know I have.  In 2016, I left the Lord in several ways.  I am still digging myself out of holes six years later of the decisions I made.  Yes, God forgave me but there are consequences to our sin.  God wants you to also know he has forgiven you.  I found myself like Peter.  I never ever thought I would do what I did but I did. Jesus told Peter he would betray him three times and Peter denied it, but the Lord knew him better than he knew himself.

Maybe the cares of this life brought you to a place of compromise and you did somethings you never thought you would.  Many people took money from funds that they should not have during this pandemic.  Some worked and took unemployment benefits.  Some participated in the looting in the city. Desperation made people do things in this last season just to survive.  Peter found himself suddenly shifted into survival mode and he did just what Jesus told him he would. 

Nothing you have ever done has surprised Jesus.  This last season was to show you what was inside of you, the good, bad and the ugly.  But Jesus told Peter in

Luke 22:32 “But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail.  And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.”

God wants you to know he has prayed for you like he did for Peter. For some, you have been in a season of restoration.  You found yourself like Samson that thought, I’ll just shake myself like I did before but in this last season, you felt like God left you.  God wants you to know just like he allowed Samson’s hair to grow back and his strength returned that he is restoring you. He wants you to know he is with you.   Forgive yourself just like Peter and Samson had to do.  Just like I had to do. You may be saying like Samson did, Lord remember me and avenge me for my two eyes. Samson caused his own suffering.  He kept playing with the enemies, he was called to destroy.  But God, in his great love, grace and mercy forgave Samson.  He answered Samson’s prayer and he allowed him to destroy more Philistines in his death than he did in his life.  God is going to allow you to do more damage to the enemies’ kingdom than you ever would have now because you were wounded. He is about to avenge you.

And for some, you are now ready and are being commissioned to turn around and to begin to share your testimony and strengthen your brothers and sisters. God is opening opportunities.  Its time to release that book.  It’s time to do the things you have wanted to do for a long time, but you weren’t ready. God loves you and because you have repented and turned back, he is holding nothing against you. God says, you are ready now because he heard you when you asked him to remember you.